1---
2location: San Francisco
3description: Reducing ourselves
4date: 2017-12-29
5tags: reduction, emotions, happiness, support
6---
7
8# Reduction
9
10We reduce people around us. How often do we forget *all* the good things about someone and focus on their "faults" at worst or few "positive" things at best? When we forget to acknowledge good things about other people we create problems for ourselves and other people.
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12What kind of problems, you ask?
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14When you tell someone for long period (your child, your friend, your partner) that they are good at this *one* thing they might start to doubt their wholeness - they might doubt that they have other "good" traits or even doubt that they are able to have them in the future.
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16When parents tell to their kid that she is good at e.g. "math" it will be engraved in the child's mind. The kid might never have courage or desire to approach art, or literature, or sport.
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18If you tell someone they are "this", that also might mean to them that they are not "that" and can never be anything except "this".
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20So such reduction, affects *your* perception of another person, it might affect *self-perception* of that person, and it will damage your relationships too. If you tell another person that she is "serious," you deny the existence of "funny" side. In such case, that person might never be "funny" with *you*.
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22In theory, we are all independent adult creatures, in practice, it is not like that at all. Let's be careful with each other. Let's try to not project our insecurities on other people. Let's be explicit about all (even tiny) things we appreciate in each other. And also let's be conscious and mindful of those good things.
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24Maybe our kind words can change someone's life. Maybe we will bring a smile on someone face, or a tear of sadness followed by a tear of relief and happiness. Perhaps we will lift someone out of depression or difficult stage of life.
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26Let's not make assumptions about other people. Let's not think that our compliment will have no negative side-effects even if we said it with good intentions. Let's be kind and gentle with each other. And let's be attentive. Let's acknowledge each other wholeness.